family – a certain slant of light

fun. now.

“having fun” has always been a tricky concept for me.

my mom tells me that even as a very young child i was pretty quiet and happy to sit and listen or observe my surroundings for hours; rather than joining in the excitement.

once i learned to read that was my ultimate definition of fun; i am infamous for asking friends who had come for sleepovers if they wanted to get in bed and read- at 6:30pm!!! (my wise mother encouraged me to play a game with my friend first; at least).

as a teenager i was WAY too self-conscious to let loose and really have fun. i did thoroughly enjoy hard work though and poured myself into academics, tennis, and art projects with gusto.

college was a little better. being surrounded by like-minded serious folks helped. as did a glass or two of wine. and fun was had, silliness occurred- not always but plenty for me.

not too long after that i got married and had two beautiful babies back to back (and a third a bit later on too). marriage and motherhood are serious things but the stability and routine that came along with it probably helped to relax me and, oh boy, have i had fun with my girls!

i have played in kiddie pools; danced with gymbo at gymboree; belted out disney princess songs in the living room; discovered “secret beaches” and set up “camps” so that we could munch on oreos; jumped off cliffs in greek islands; swam with dolphins; ridden on elephants; zoomed through vietnamese streets on vespas; watched lions up close; and spent endless hours chatting and laughing. no complaints here.

but this year fun has been a little harder to come by. the stress of the pandemic is overwhelming and i often feel a creeping guilt about how lucky we have been while so many people have suffered so much.

with a senior and a junior mired deep in school work and college prep the past months would have been hard and serious in any case. but covid has compounded it.

i’m probably not the only one feeling this way. but we need to remember that it is ok, and necessary , for us all to have a little fun. and to do it now. not to wait for the post-pandemic world to enjoy ourselves when possible.

i first started thinking about this after reading a beautiful post called “now” on a blog i follow- enough– the author, shauna ahern, reminds us to go ahead and do what we have been waiting for. do it now. enjoy today- read, learn, start projects, make things whatever. stop waiting and get going now.

i tested the waters on our trip to dubai. i have to admit it wasn’t very easy. but i closed my eyes, took a breath and just acted silly! it felt so good- and while i am not the all time silliest of people- it reminded me that i need to seek out fun.

my fun may not be the same as someone else’s but i need to recognize what is fun for me and DO IT!!!

since then i have resumed my nightly kitchen dance parties while washing the dishes; worked on small art projects at least two nights a week; and joked with my girls even when i felt crabby and snappy.

now i’m off to play catan and enjoy a snowy afternoon…

what’s fun for you these days? games, music, the outdoors? share your fun and we’ll keep sharing ours too!

traveling in a covid world

today we took our first international flight in a world with covid.

last year on this day we were in south africa, blissfully basking in the beauty of babylonstoren unaware that the odd virus we were hearing about in china would soon come to dominate the news; and all our lives. (yes, in hindsight we should have worn masks on our capetown-istanbul flight- an idea i literally mocked and belittled at the time!)

a couple of thoughts-

1. this pandemic has taught me that we all must make our own risk calculations as necessary and based on individual circumstances.

2. the istanbul airport was much more crowded than i expected.

3. masks have become a pretty normal thing here in turkey and 90% of people were wearing them properly. that made me feel better.

4. thank you richard quest and cnn traveler for teaching my family to wipe down and disinfect our seating areas on aircraft years ago. we are pros.

5. covid is inescapable. as we entered the airport i had one surreal moment when it felt as though we would fly off and leave and magically land in a land with no covid. sort of like when we flew out of vietnam two years ago; exiting a communist country and finding ourselves in a safer feeling, calmer environment upon landing. instead we landed in dubai and are still wearing masks; washing our hands; and social distancing. we were required to present proof of a negative pcr test upon arrival and despite the advantage of increased outdoor space and warm weather we still feel a little wary of other people.

international travel during this period is a calculated risk we needed to take. and one we were fortunate enough to be able to take as safely as possible.

i am grateful.

a salve for my soul…

an aegean sunrise in november…winter in the air

summer was a time of sweet respite and great repose for us this year. with the pandemic in full swing, we were unable to maintain our usual crazy travel schedule that often had us bouncing from one continent to another: an invigorating yet rather exhausting tradition.

instead, we spent a lot of time at home, quietly, and the trips that we did take were much quieter and lowkey than previous years. although most things were open here in turkey over the summer we still thought twice about going out to restaurants or visiting friends in their homes. rather than take risks we chose to go out for dinner at off hours; made an effort to meet up in gardens or on balconies; and often made plans to take walks with friends or play in the park rather than getting together for drinks or an at-home playdate.

we took long walks in nature; spent hours swimming, snorkeling and paddle boarding; and took advantage of the warm weather to hold a number of scaled down celebrations outdoors rather than needing to cancel them altogether.

the end of school vacation doesn’t necessarily mean the end of warm weather in turkey, so we took full advantage of online school, continuing to travel to the aegean coast at every opportunity. whenever possible we would pack up the schoolbooks and laptops and escape the city… setting us a “mini-school” for each of the girls wherever we happened to land that week. although we knew that the coronavirus was still a force to be reckoned with the combination of being in the open air and having less people around us was a constant source of comfort.

it’s hard to believe that today is the last day of november and that turkey has been dealing with covid-19 on a full-time basis for just about 9 months. the much anticipated second wave is here-full force-and istanbul, in particular, has become a true hotbed of virus transmission. with numbers rising (and the government finally acknowledging the true extent of infection); new measures are being put into place and life is inevitably going to start slowing down again.

writing this blog and sharing snippets of our daily life was a salve for my soul during the first months of 2020 and i can’t think of a better way to end this difficult year than to return to it. our summer hiatus has been restful and inspiring, and i have much to share; stay tuned for more musings, new recipes, at home activity ideas, book recommendations and more…

ps. here are a bunch of our favorite 2020 summer moments. as strange as it was, this summer is sure to be unforgettable in its own way!

so many celebrations this summer!

alara and alegra’s birthday- and mine and tunc dede’s too….

there was A LOT of outdoor time… hiking, biking, riding horses and seaside time too…

we learned a bunch of new games and new skills too…

school started…online…which meant exploring could continue 🙂

and with the blessing of good weather we were able to celebrate halloween outdoors in full costume!!!

it was a wonderful summer despite it all and we are so grateful to have been able to celebrate at all… these memories will certainly help sustain us in the coming months-

major mommy meltdown…

so last week i lost it. no, really. i really 100% lost it. household objects were broken, there were a lot of tears, curse words flew like arrows and anger and frustration erupted

from every part of my being.

it was a stunning display of unregulated emotion. but i was, at that moment, incapable of any type of reasonable regulation.

i wish i could say there was a specific issue or event that set my major mommy meltdown in motion. but there wasn’t. it was just a ton of pent up feelings all colliding together.

self-isolation, or sheltering in place, or quarantine- however you would like to describe it- is really, really tough. this is truly a to each their own situation. i KNOW our position is better than that of many- in turkey, for sure, and abroad for sure too. but it doesn’t make it less hard.

and; this is not where any of us thought we would be right now. (literally we were supposed to be in miami for our nephew’s graduation!). so, as lovely as slowing down has been, it was unexpected, and we were unprepared.

my meltdown had a lot to do with setting good boundaries; or rather my lack of ability to do so.

boundary setting has always been one of my biggest struggles… i’ve always been an overly empathic person; getting married right after college, having children early on, and adjusting to life in a new city all just increased my hyper-awareness of others and their needs.

back in the “old days”; “normal times”- pre coronavirus- i had a system.

i gave everyone who needed something from me all that they required- constantly. but then they would all go off to work or to school and i would recoup. i could be quiet and calm and recharge my batteries by reading or doing yoga or just sitting.

but now there is no real downtime. we are all together all the time in a single space. frustrations, disappointments, irritations and excitement, elation, and pleasure too are all happening all the time. these are big emotions and they are now swirling around me all the time, often unchecked, and often with little chance for me to recover.

last week it all came to a head. too many questions, too little compassion, and just too much overall; i was overwhelmed, and i snapped.

the next day i was exhausted. all those emotions that had come rushing out had taken their toll. but i sat down with my family and together talked- a lot- about how we were all feeling. about how best to regulate some of our feelings. about trying to remember each other’s needs a bit better, and more often. it felt really, really good.

and as a wise woman reminded me later, this is it. this is life. and this is family. it has sharp edges and soft curves. it is a series of small adjustments and tiny shifts that come together to create an imperfect balance. a balance that frequently requires re-examining and new approaches. there is no “perfect formula”; there is loving and listening and caring enough to change- even just a little bit- in order to keep the beautifully imperfect flow; flowing.